


Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach

by ScotlandEvander



Series: Various States [17]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Crushes, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6978955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScotlandEvander/pseuds/ScotlandEvander
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha has a crush and does not want to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beyond Your Dreams, Within Your Reach

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The following stories are a collection of one-shot stories that stand on their own and cover what happens between the end of CA:WS and CA:CW. I know, that’s a whole lot to cover in a collection of one-shots, but hey, I’m doing it. There will be no actual Ultron stand alone story for this series. Why? Honest? I disliked the movie to the point I didn’t want to deal with it. It makes me mad. So, it happened, but will not be actively covered in this series as the other movies have been covered.

**Disclaimer: If you know it, I do not own it.**

* * *

_It bears it’s teeth like a light / And spits me out after days / But we’re all gluttons for it / We know what’s wrong and it’s right_

_-Snow Patrol, “Take Back the City”_

* * *

It’d started on the hellicarrier. While Rogers was busy freaking out over the tall, dark, and freakishly handsome, Natasha Romanov was busy staring at the shorter, older, and graying man next to the object of Rogers’s obsession. Her heart did something it’d never done before: it flipped.

Granted, it’d taken her awhile to figure out it’d done this as it’d never done it before, but by the time the battle was done and she could analyze, she’d realized what had occurred.

She promptly freaked out in the only way she knew: she didn’t.

Natasha had never “freaked out” in her life and wasn’t exactly sure how to start, but she really wanted to have some sort of dramatic reaction to the realization for the first time in her life she was attracted to someone.

So, she did the only thing she could think of: avoided Bruce Banner. It was not all that hard, even after she took up Stark’s offer to live in the Tower after the Texas Incident. She was only there a few months before she moved to Anchorage, Alaska to watch over Jessica Witton’s readjustment. After that was deemed successful, she had other missions for SHIELD, so she spent little time in the tower.

She had successfully avoided Bruce Banner for a solid three months when her heart did that strange flipping again in his presence.

And she blamed Loki.

She’d asked JARVIS where Loki was on very boring afternoon, as she knew he was in the Tower more often than not and wanted to a practice on her knife work. JARVIS informed her Loki was on the R&D floor, in Lab D. She didn’t think twice, as that was where he was more often than not.

She froze in the doorway upon finding Loki.

He was with Bruce not Stark. She was an idiot for not asking JARVIS who Loki was visiting.

Bruce continued to babble about whatever he was showing Loki, but Loki looked right at her. (Of course he could hear her silent steps, bastard.) He stared a few seconds before turning his attention back to Bruce and joining the technobabble.

“Bruce, I think you got it,” Loki proclaimed, smiling brightly and blinding anyone nearby.

Luckily, Bruce wasn’t blinded as he wasn’t even looking at Loki, but at the halo-screens before him.

Bruce frowned (adorable), pushed his glasses further up his nose (too cute for words, ugh), and squinted at the hologram. Just when she thought her heart was going to explode from the amount of…mushy emotions running through her system, Bruce had to go and beam at the screen.

Hell.

“Magic,” he breathed, smiling so large Natasha was sure he was going to rip his face in two. “We made magic.”

“Indeed,” Loki agreed. “On paper. Who knows if this will actually work in real life.”

“You made magic?” Natasha asked, making herself known to Bruce.

He leapt into the air, fell off the stool, tripped over his feet several times before managed to right himself on the table, and stared wide-eyed at her through the hologram screen he’d been looking at moments ago. His hair, which had grown out from the disastrous haircut he’d gotten shortly before the Texas Incident, flopped forward, resting on top of his glasses.

He was trying to kill her. Death by Adorableness. 

“Theoretically,” Loki offered, flopping a slim hand in her direction. “What can I do for you, Agent Romanov?”

Natasha ranted at Loki internally while she kept her face blank as she made herself walk further into the lab.

“I need someone to spar with,” she replied, then added, “who is not Steve.”

Loki chuckled. “Why ever not?”

“He’s not light on his feet.”

That was somewhat a lie, as Steve moved lightly and with his own unique grace, but it was predictable to her, where was Loki as unpredictable as they came.

Loki raised an eyebrow and waited for her to retract her statement. She folded her arms and set her face in a hard expression. Bruce glanced between then, then rolled his eyes. 

“Are you sure you wish to take me on?” Loki asked, turning his attention to Natasha. He flicked his fingers through the holoscreen, making it vanish. Bruce took his glasses off and began to clean them on his shirt. “I am just as strong as Steven, if not a little bit stronger.”

Natasha scoffed. “I need a challenge who can dance.”

Loki looked intrigued and cast a glance at Bruce, who was looking as if he regretted taking up space. Natasha knew she’d done something to make Loki think he knew something she didn’t, as he smirked and grabbed Bruce by the shoulder, thrusting him forward.

“Bruce dances.”

“What? No. Loki!” Bruce protested. “We just made a huge discovery! I have to research—”

“It’ll be fun!” Loki insisted, pushing a protesting Bruce forward. 

Natasha blankly stared at Loki.

“I do not fight. It’s not good for—”

“You would not be fighting. You’d be dancing. She just said so,” Loki gleefully went on. He steered Bruce out of the room. Bruce, who was flaying all over the place in an attempt to escape from the God of Mischief, objected with a voice that began to crack it was going so high.

Natasha was going to kill Loki.

She turned on her heel and followed behind the protesting Bruce and the simpering Loki. The trio entered the gym. Natasha was already dressed for working out, so she sat down on the bench and waited while Loki fought Bruce into something other than his usual khaki pants and button down.

Her heart flipped over when Loki produced Bruce ten minutes later. Loki was dressed looking as if he was about to take part in a yoga class at a high end gym. Bruce, on the other hand, looked as if he was heading to his first day of gym class at Stark Industries High School.

He was utterly endearing in the oversized t-shirt and two sizes too big gym shorts, which were being held up by sheer will Natasha feared. Stark stocked the gym with those micro sized gym shorts for those who didn’t have any. Natasha had lost track of the times she’d caught either Steve or Thor walking around in those things. They left nothing to the imagination. She had no idea why neither could remember their own workout pants, but she figured that Stark was behind the MIA shorts, mostly due to Steve’s sour expressions when he caught her smirking at him.

Natasha really wanted to glare at Loki, but judging by the wattage of his smirk, she needed to be more emotionless than usual.

Loki steered Bruce over to Natasha. His smile grew to leering as he said, “Enjoy.”

And he vanished.

Natasha blinked a few times, wondering where he had gone in a blink of an eye. She scanned the room several times before looking back at the mortified Bruce Banner.

“He does that. No idea how without his magic,” Bruce muttered. “I can go. I don’t know—”

“It’s fine. You do yoga, don’t you?” Natasha asked, standing up and rolling her shoulders back. “I can do that.”

Bruce looked utterly confused, but nodded.

“I will hunt Loki down and murder him later,” Natasha went on, going over to the cabinet along the wall that held the yoga mats, blocks, and straps. “Hunting him down will give me as good of a workout as if he’d actually spared with me.”

“Uh…okay. I mean…uh…”

Natasha turned and looked at Bruce sharply. He wasn’t looking at her, but pulling on his shorts. She stared at him for a few beats before she took pity on him.

“You’re about Clint’s size,” she stated for the reason she was pulling out a pair of sweatpants from the yoga cabinet.

(Because he was Clint and he couldn’t be bothered to store his things in their proper location, he had caches of things all over the tower. Just so happened he kept sweatpants in the yoga cabinet.)

“Thank god,” Bruce breathed. “He won’t mind?”

“Nope. Likely won’t even notice he’s down a pair. You’ve never done yoga in here?”

Bruce shook his head, yanking the sweatpants up over the gym shorts. “I usually practice in my own room.”

“Well, let’s begin.”

* * *

_Don’t make a fuss and go crazy over you and me / Here’s what I’ll do, I’ll play it loose / Not like we have a date with destiny_

_-Jennifer Page, “Crush”_

* * *

Doing yoga with Bruce was the dumbest thing Natasha had done in her entire life. Dumber than that time she got a perm.

Bruce moved with grace, he was very flexible, and watching him do Sun Salutations made her heart beat oddly and sweat in places she never sweat while doing yoga.

She hated Loki with a flaming passion.

Especially after he showed up later that night, finding her in Stark’s (communal) living room. He wore a grin that looked too large to be normal.

“Lovely to see you, Agent Romanov,” he said with false sweetness.

She glared daggers at him while wishing she had actual dagger to chuck at his head.

Stark walked into the room, saw her expression, and walked back out.

If only Loki were afraid of her like everyone else. Tragically, he was not and she knew it was not because he was stronger, faster, and heavier. No, he knew that she could take him down if need be, yet he was not afraid of her because he knew she’d do nothing other than glare.

Oh, how she loathed him.

“Love,” Loki sung, giving her a rather sappy expression that looked all kinds of wrong on his face. “It’s in the air.”

He turned on his heels, humming, and left her alone in the living room, seething.

She was not in love.

It was just a crush.

And it’d go away when she moved to DC for the unforeseeable future.

* * *

_Here I’m dancing on the ground / Am I right side up or upside down / Is this real or am I dreaming_

_-Dave Matthew’s Band, “Crush”_

* * *

It did not go away. If anything, it grew stronger. She found excuses to go back to New York, to spend time with Bruce. She discovered during one of her weekend jaunts, he liked old movies. Natasha loved old, cheesy movies, especially the screwball comedies that didn’t make much sense today.

Bruce liked bad monster movies.

It was delightful.

Natasha wanted to gouge her eyes out.

“So, uh, how’s the assignment in DC since Steve joined you? Loki seems…weirder than usual.”

“Really?” Natasha asked, turning to face Bruce on the couch. He had a huge bowl of popcorn in his lap and greasy fingers. Ugh. So damn cute.

“Yeah,” Bruce said, not looking at her and popping more popcorn into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed before he glanced at her and shifted a little when he found her staring. “He’s been a little off since the thing in London, but the last few times he’s dropped by, I know he’s up to something. It’s like…he’s found something to distract him from magic— which sucks for me as I kinda need his help. He’s plotting or something. He keeps muttering about Denmark.”

“I know,” Natasha agreed darkly. “I’m pretty sure he’s not talking about anything actually in Denmark, though.”

Bruce nodded, looking pleased she thought Loki was up to something.

Loki was always up to something, be it his quest to embarrass her to death about her stupid crush or thinking SHIELD (Denmark) was doing dark deeds.

SHEILD was up to something fishy. It was why Fury had assigned her and Steve to DC in the first place. It was weird being part of STRIKE. Everything felt wrong about being part of a team like that, but that was where Fury wanted her, that was where she’d be and spy on the organization she worked for. She didn’t like it, but she liked Fury more than the organization.

She liked Fury? Had she just thought that? She respected him. She did not _like_ people other than Clint. And maybe Laura. And Steve.

Then again, who could hate Steve? He was just so gosh darn nice.

Oh, god. What the hell was happening to her? 

“You looked like you swallowed a lemon,” Bruce observed.

“I think I did,” Natasha murmured. “What’s Loki doing? Besides hacking SHIELD on a daily basis from his Other Earth computer and quoting _Hamlet_ excessively?”

Bruce snorted. “That’s all at the moment, I think. He won’t tell me exactly what’s wrong or what he’s plotting, but he’s doing a lot of thousand yard stares instead of helping me when he’s here.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re trying to create magic and he’s lost his,” Natasha pointed out gently.

“No, I think now more than ever he wants my research to pan out,” Bruce said, sighing deeply. “He misses everything about magic.”

“Anyone would,” Natasha replied.

“It got me thinking,” Bruce started, “if something like that happened to me and the Big Guy was gone for good and I was a lowly mortal once more…”

Natasha leaned forward so she could see his expression in the flicker of the TV screen. He looked confused. He blinked excessively before going on.

“Before I met Loki, I think I would have been joyous. I could go back to the life I had before, I could get married, have kids, be normal, but, I don’t think I was ever normal.”

“You can still get married,” Natasha pointed out, her chest getting tight. She swallowed and added, “And have kids.”

Bruce glanced at her, looking sad.

“You’ve got it under control.”

“Hardly.”

“So, if some magic stick whacked you and made you…normal, you wouldn’t be thrilled?”

“He’s a part of me, has been for years,” Bruce admitted, looking away. “I guess what I am saying is I’m used to him. While I’d still like something else in place, you know, to make me safer to be around, I don’t think I’d really like it all that much if I was…well, a normal, everyday man once more.”

“You’ve accepted who you are,” Natasha quietly gathered, not bothering to keep the awe out of her voice.

“Yeah, took awhile, but yeah. I’m me.”

“I’m me,” Natasha echoed faintly.

Bruce grinned at her, making her heart flutter and her lips quirked into a smile.

She was in so much trouble.

* * *

_Heaven up above knows how much I love that gentle soul / Angels sing of love like this_

_-Carla Thomas, “Gee Whiz (Look at His Eyes)”_

* * *

Oh god, she was in so much trouble.

“Hey, big guy.”

The Hulk turned and stared at her, huffing. She stared, marveling at the Hulk’s eyes. She’d never really noticed them before. They were really were the same color as Bruce’s eyes, not green like she thought. They also showed massive intelligence, just as Bruce’s eyes.

“So, come here much?” she asked.

She was trapped in a small enclosed space with the Hulk. She wasn’t sure how exactly the Hulk had wound up down the hole with her, but he was smashing his way though things in the room in a fit of rage, while Natasha lay prone under a few hundred pounds of concrete. Or what felt like a few hundred pounds. Whatever had fallen on her had trapped her leg, luckily not broken it, but she couldn’t manage to lift it off due to her sprained wrists, so she decided she’d talk to the Hulk instead of screaming.

“I’m not too crazy about the whole decor. Kind of dreary. And you can’t really see the sunset, can you? I like a good sunset, you know? Pretty. Especially when the sun is getting low in the sky, right before it vanishes. Love that. It’s so pretty,” she babbled tonelessly.

The Hulk huffed, taking a few steps towards her, his body language softening. She extended her hand towards him, fighting to keep the shaking to a minimum.

There might be more than a sprain in that wrist.

The Hulk stared at her offered hand, looking massively confused. He put down the computer he had been about to throw and stomped his way over to where she was trapped. His eyes scanned her before he leaned down and threw the concrete on her leg over his shoulder. He looked back at her.

He was so close. She’d never been this close to the Hulk before. On the Hellicarrier when he’d come out, he’d split before she could engage him. During the Battle of Malibu, he’d stayed close to the house or in the sky, so she’d only seen him from afar.

She was not scared of him. There was too much Bruce in his eyes. 

“The sun is getting low,” she said for no reason, her hand still extended out to him.

He slowly extended his own hand towards her and gently took it in his. He studied her for a while longer before he began to shrink. Suddenly, a very naked Bruce was in front of her, blinking sleepily.

“Hey, big guy,” she smirked at him, keeping her eyes on his face and not checking out the goods.

“Hi,” Bruce said, sounding bemused. “We had a Code Green?”

“Yeah. But, no scepter,” she sighed. “Help me up and I’ll let you use my jacket.”

“I don’t think I can fit into your jacket,” Bruce said, moving to stand up and help her. He didn’t seem to notice he was naked. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or bad thing.

“I bet we can fashion you a skirt from it,” she offered as she let Bruce help her to her feet. Her ankle smarted, but nothing was broken. Bruised, but not broken.

The wrist, though, that might be broken.

Bruce frowned as he looked around the room. “How did we get here?”

“I fell, you jumped after me. I think,” she provided. “Not sure how we’re going to get back up there.”

“YO! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR COMS!”

Iron Man hovered above their heads.

“Brucie! You’re you!” Iron Man said as he landed before them, flipping his visor up. “You usually take forever to be you. You need more smashy-smashy.”

Stark looked around the room and noticed the lack of smashed items. Well, the usual level of smashed items that would lead the Hulk to tire out and let Bruce back out.

“I dunno,” Bruce said. “Natasha’s injured. Can you fly her out?”

“Sure. What about you?”

“I will aid Doctor Banner!” Thor shouted, appearing out of nowhere and landing with a flourish.

“How about Stark takes Bruce out. I’ll go with Thor,” Natasha quickly offered upon seeing the expression of fear on Bruce’s face.

Like the Hulk, Bruce wasn’t all that fond of Thor. Not that Thor cared or noticed— no matter how many time the Hulk punched Thor and sent him flying or how much more Bruce stuttered when Thor was around and scurried away.

“Yeah,” Bruce agreed, helping Natasha over to Thor.

Thor put a hulking arm around her waist, pulling her tightly to his side. She didn’t need to use any strength to hold on, he did all the work. He swung his hammer and they were off. She looked down and saw Stark pull some spare clothes out of a compartment on his suit and hand them to Bruce, who quickly covered himself.

Tragic.

Natasha groaned, hiding her face in her hair. Natasha was so tried of having a crush.

* * *

_Why do I keep running from the truth? / All I ever think about is you / You got me hypnotized, so memorized / And I just got to know you_

_-David Archuleta, “Crush”_

* * *

SHEILD fell.

Loki’s scepter was still MIA. How SHIELD had lost it had been a mystery and bugged Natasha to no end, but now it made sense. HYDRA had it.

Natasha was not all that surprised HYDRA didn’t crumble when Steve froze himself and Red Skull went elsewhere, (she did not fool herself that he was dead. Now that she understood more how the Tesseract worked, she doubted Red Skull was dead somewhere in space, but more likely he was off causing hell elsewhere in the galaxy) but she was pissed that the organization had somehow hidden within SHIELD. 

Her covers all blown and out of a job, Natasha didn’t know where to go after she’d hunted down the paper files on the Winter Solider for Steve. She found herself back at Stark Tower, hiding on her own floor.

“Ms Romanov?” JARVIS’s voice sounded throughout her living room. “Doctor Banner is looking for you. Might I tell him where you are?”

“Sure, tell him to come over,” she answered tonelessly. “You know he shot me?”

“Pardon?”

“Bucky Barnes shot me,” she said for the millionth time. “Bucky Barnes, Captain America’s right hand man, shot me. Twice. No one living has shot me twice.”

“I am sorry, Agent Romanov. Do you need medical attention?”

Natasha snorted, shaking her head as the elevator dinged open and Bruce poked his head out, looking bemused and unsure. He spotted her sitting on the couch and took a cautious step out of the elevator.

“Bucky Barnes shot me. Twice,” she told Bruce, who might respond better than Stark’s AI. “I feel like it’s a badge of honor or something, since I’m a friend of Steve’s and his best friend shot me twice.”

“At least he didn’t kill you,” Bruce said, looking if possible more confused.

“He’s the Winter Solider,” Natasha went on. It’d been a few days since she’d actually spoken with a human being and the words were spilling out. “He was after a guy I was trying to bring into SHIELD. I got in the way. That’s the only reason I’m not dead. I wasn’t his mission. But, I saw him. I saw the red star and came very close to loosing it, as I knew that star, I knew the stories of the Russian ghost. I heard about him in the Red Room. He was a legend. Only, granted, we all thought he was a dancer…”

Bruce looked baffled.

“Bucky Barnes shot me,” she reiterated.

“You need tea,” Bruce proclaimed, scurrying into her kitchen. A few minutes later, he came out with one of the spicy herbal teas she had collected at some point. (She had a bad habit of buying tea and never drinking it.) He offered it to her. “Loki left.”

Natasha blinked. “What? Left? Like he went to the store or he left as he…is gone.”

Loki didn’t leave, mostly due to the public screaming for his blood louder than they were shouting for hers. He’d been in the tower since Stark had sprung him from jail, where he’d wound up after he punched a male nurse who refused to let him see Steve when he was in the hospital after he’d been shot full of bullets by his best-est friend in the world.

Loki hadn’t seen the light of day since.

“Gone. Not sure how he did it, as I have a hard time leaving the room when Steve looks as he does right now and I’m not in love with him.”

“Oh god,” Natasha said, standing quickly and almost dumping hot tea all over herself.

She was supposed to be his friend. Why was she sitting in her empty apartment when he was upstairs, likely wallowing and reading that damn file on the Winter Solider for the millionth time?

“Sit, sit. Sam Wilson is with him. He seemed to know it was coming and showed up minutes after Loki left,” Bruce explained, taking the cup from her hands and setting it on the coffee table. “I only came down to see how you were doing, not make you feel guilty. You’ve been holed up in here since your testimony in DC.”

“I don’t know what to do with myself,” Natasha admitted, sitting back down. “I thought I worked for the good guys, but I was working for the same bad guys in the end.”

“I thought you worked for the KGB?”

“No. I was part of the Black Widow program. They were part of HYDRA it turns out, only didn’t know it,” Natasha said, sitting back down. “I don’t know who I am.”

Bruce stared at her, looking like a sad puppy. It was worst than Steve looking like a kicked dog.

She was surrounded by sad puppies and she didn’t even like actual puppies. Or dogs. Or cats. Or any type of animal really.

“Well, you could go to college and figure it out like most people do,” he offered. She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

“I can’t leave this tower.”

“Why?”

“Everyone knows everything I’ve ever done,” she said quietly. “Just like Loki, my life was exposed and now it is over.”

“Did the government take your house?”

“I don’t have a house to take.”

“They freeze your bank accounts?”

“I don’t have any to freeze.”

“You don’t have a bank account? What did you do with your paychecks?”

“I cashed them, hid the cash. But, I can’t get to it, because I can’t leave. The tower is still surrounded by protesters and journalists, isn’t it?”

Bruce let out a noise through his nose and shook his head.

“They took my passports,” Natasha went on. “I’m useless.”

“Just because you don’t have a passport?”

Natasha shrugged, picking up the tea and hugging the mug to her chest.

“I’m sure Stark’s lawyers will get it back,” Bruce assured.

“Them,” Natasha corrected, “and I doubt it. I don’t know what to do with myself. I told Steve that I had to sort myself out because all my covers were blown, but I don’t even know where to start. Do you know where Loki went? Maybe I’ll go with him?”

Bruce bit his lip and said, “He went to find SHIELD.”

Natasha leveled him a look.

“That’s what he told Steve. Coulson and his team, Loki thinks that they are now SHIELD.”

“Makes sense, since Coulson and his team are MIA still.”

“I think you should stay here,” Bruce quietly said, shifting uncomfortably on the hard couch.

“Oh?”

He took a long sip from the mug before he spoke again, staring into the murky depths.

“Yeah, uh, remember that last mission we all did looking for Loki’s scepter before we knew HYDRA had it? Or that HYDRA was still around? When we thought someone had just stolen it, not walked out the door with permission with it?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you do to bring me back?”

Natasha frowned. “Why?”

“Well, you…well, I could have killed you, but I didn’t. I saw the state of that room and most of the damage was from when the floor fell out from under our feet. The Big Guy smashed a few things, but mostly it was from the ceiling caving in. What did you do?”

“I talked to him, stuck out my hand,” Natasha said, extending her free hand towards him.

He stared at her like she’d lost her mind.

She had. It was on the deck of a now debunked hellicarrier.

“You talked to him?” Bruce echoed very slowly.

“Yeah. He’s not as mindless as you think he is.”

Bruce snorted. “Okay. If you say so. Tony and I are working on something to stop the Hulk, but I want it to be a last resort. But…”

“You’re not going to hurt me, or he’s not anyway,” Natasha insisted, feeling like she had a purpose, something worth while to do with her time that was not chasing ghosts. “With all the issues Not-SHIELD is likely having, it’ll be up to us to hunt down the remains of HYDRA and find Loki’s glow stick.”

Bruce heaved a huge sigh, setting down his mug and removing his glasses. He began polishing them on his shirt.

“Okay, game plan. Let’s have Stark fly us out to the middle of nowhere and we’ll try putting the Hulk to sleep.”

Bruce blinked at her. He opened his mouth to argue with her, but instead bit his lip and nodded.

He needed to stop biting his lip.

* * *

_I didn’t know how to deal and so I just decided to myself / I’d hide it to myself and never talk about it_

_-Andy Williams, “I Think I Love You”_

* * *

They spent weeks flying out to various locations without any population within a hundred miles and working on The Lullaby. Natasha couldn’t remember who began calling what they were doing that, but that’s what they wound up calling it. It struck her as kind of stupid. She wasn’t technically putting the Hulk to sleep, just…well, she wasn’t sure what words to use.

Fine.

She was putting him to sleep. The Lullaby worked.

“I still can’t believe this,” Bruce muttered, happily accepting the headphones from Natasha. He’d stored his StarkPhone in a compartment near his seat. Natasha watched him pull it out and plug himself in. Besides figuring out that Natasha talking to the Hulk, saying “The sun is getting low,” and sticking out her hand de-Hulked Bruce faster than anything, after the transformation, he calmed further and recovered quicker by listening to opera.

“Believe it. We’ve done this over twenty times. And I’ve not got a scratch,” Natasha remarked, flopping into the chair across the aisle from him.

He gave her a doubtful look, bit his lip (damn him), then put the headphones on and vanished into a world of screeching women (no idea why opera worked for him as it set Natasha on edge). He leaned back in the chair as the plane began to gather speed to take off and let out a happy puff of air. She watched him sway back and forth to the beat of whatever he was listening to, wrapped up tight in the softest blanket in the world. She stared at the tartan blanket, wondering where it’d exactly came from. It followed them every time they went off to work on The Lullaby, no matter which StarkJet they used. And Bruce never brought it with him. The only things he brought were his StarkPhone and the headphones.

The Blanket was magical.

(It was likely Potts.)

Natasha stopped staring and leaned back in her own seat, blankly staring ahead. She did this for ten minutes before she pulled her StarkPad out and opened up the reader app.

She was doing a lot of reading lately. She was working her way through various low cost e-books. She tried to read ones written by independent authors, but sometimes she accidentally bought ones that were on sale from the big publishing houses (which was fine, except then the author got like no money, hence why she tried to buy the more popular books in hardback from independent bookstores). While Natasha had been well read due to the nature of her job, she’d never read for fun in her entire life. She’d discovered she really liked (more than she’d care to admit) sappy romances.

Also: young adult fiction (likely due to the fact she’d never been a teenager. It was fascinating to read about teenagers).

She hated anything supernatural, though. There seemed to be an over abundance of that, which annoyed her to no end as most was badly written on top of being supernatural and stupid.

Jess suggested fan fiction, which Natasha hadn’t ventured into— mostly because Jess had suggested it. No one should let Jessica Witton make reading lists. Half the things she thought should be read either didn’t exist here (because they were fan fiction from her own world) or they were just terrible.

At least she didn’t suggest _Twilight_. (Yes, Natasha had read that, due to its popularity it was required by SHEILD.)

(Yes, SHEILD had a reading list it required its agents to read.)

(This was likely why she hated supernatural books.)

Natasha lost herself in a world of young love only to emerge when the plane touched down in New York. Bruce was zonked out, blanket hanging open and exposing the battered t-shirt he had pulled on after the transformation.

“YO!”

Natasha did not jump ten feet into the air at the sound of Stark’s voice filling the cabin of the plane.

And since Bruce was dead asleep, there were no witnesses to dispute it.

“We’ve got a hit on the Glow Stick of Destiny,” Stark proclaim. “So, wake Brucie Bear up, him into the helicopter, and force feed him the food in there. We will likely need the Hulk.”

“Fine,” Natasha sighed.

Stark blew a raspberry.

Natasha gently reached across the aisle and nudged Bruce a few times. He sleepily blinked his eyes open and took the headphones off.

“Here already?” he blearily asked.

“Yeah. And HYDRA is calling,” Natasha said, feeling marginally bad for making Bruce go back out there so soon after a transformation.

Bruce sighed deeply. He stood, wrapping himself up in the blanket. “Okay. I hate helicopters.”

“There’s food,” Natasha offered.

He was not adorable.

He was not adorable.

He was not utterly adorable.

“Thank god,” Bruce smiled, huddling further into the blanket as he made his way to the door the cabin crew had opened.

Bruce Banner was not adorable.

“You coming?” Bruce asked, looking over his shoulder.

Crap.

“Yeah,” Natasha said, grabbing her bag. “I hope this really is the stupid thing and not another dead end.”

“Yeah, me too. Kind of getting tired of looking for the dumb glow stick,” Bruce muttered, carefully making his way down the stairs and somehow not tripping on the blanket. “Were you told where we are going?”

“Nope. Stark didn’t share that with the class.”

“Stark called you?”

“He called the plane. Filled it with his annoying voice!” Natasha shouted as the helicopter started up.

Bruce clambered in, somehow not getting tangled up in the blanket, settled in, and began to stuff his face with the food provided. After Hulking out and taking his nap, he was starving. Usually he ate at a slow pace, but since he was in a hurry he channelled Thor.

Since he was busy eating, Natasha put the headphones on him so they could converse or hear the pilot if needed. After putting on her own, she said, “What are we going to do after this?”

“Who knows,” Bruce said, pausing in his eating for a second. “I’m sure something earth shattering will arise that will require the Avengers.”

Bruce smiled his casual, easy going smile, then went back to eating.

Natasha had had one crush in her entire life.

It’d started on a hellicarrier.

It ended in a helicopter.

By the time the thing landed on the roof of Stark Tower, she admitted to herself she didn’t just have a crush on Bruce Banner.

She was head over heels for him.

And she had no idea what to do about it. Yeah, she could flirt, she could seduce, but she’d never in her life _liked-liked_ someone. Glancing at Bruce out of the corner of her eye, she tried to calm her out of control heart as she and he hurried out of the helicopter once it touched down at Stark Tower.

“You’re right.”

“Huh?” Bruce asked, hair blowing wildly as the helicopter took off behind them.

“You’re right!” Natasha shouted as they hurried towards the entrance to Stark Tower. “Likely something else will come up. Wanna bet it’s Stark’s fault?”

* * *

_You went back to what you knew / So far removed from all that we went through / And I tread a trouble track / My odds are stacked_

_-Amy Winehouse, “Back to Black”_

* * *

Later, after Ultron, Natasha wondered about broken hearts. She’d scoffed at the notion in the past, thinking it was some sort of silly thing people had made up to help them sleep at night, but as she stared blankly at a blank wall in the new HQ, her chest ached and she felt empty. Empty she was familiar with, empty was what she’d felt for most of her life until SHEILD freed her. Hell, she was familiar with her chest aching, but there was usually a bullet hole or a large bruise.

There were no bullet holes, no wounds, no visible bruises. But she felt bruised. With each beat of her heart, there was an unknown ache.

She had a broken heart. It was busted.

Just like Steve when Loki had run away to join SHEILD. (No, she was not bitter Coulson had not requested she join.)

(Fine. She was.)

Steve had taken months to bounce back. Hell, he still hadn’t totally rebounded. He was still searching for someone who wasn’t there. Well, two someones, but only one broke his heart. The other was made Steve sad for a whole other host of reasons.

Did she regret what she’d done?

Natasha really wanted to say no. She did not, but she did. If she hadn’t pushed Bruce, hadn’t brought the Hulk out against his will, if she had just grabbed his hand and run off with him…but, at the same time, she knew she would have never been able to live with herself if she’d left before the battle was won.

She was looking for redemption, to wipe the red out of her ledger. She wanted to be a hero. She also had a work ethic that required her to finish her mission. It was against her nature to leave something undone.

Maybe that was her problem? Things with Bruce were undone. She’d not seen him since she’d pushed him over the ledge. Seared into her mind was his betrayed expression as he went over the ledge.

After she’d finally kissed him.

Oh god, she’d kissed him. She wanted to do it again, over and over until they died, but he was gone. She’d even upset the Hulk, as it was he who had chosen to leave. He’s stolen a jet and crashed it in the ocean.

She cast her eyes to the ground and stared at the spot the wall met the floor. It was seamless and blended together perfectly. She was staring at it when she heard the heavy footsteps that were so familiar to her now she knew who was approaching before he even knew where she was.

Not that he wouldn’t know. This was where she came to brood. Everyone knew where to find her these days.

“You gonna stare at that wall all day or you wanna come down and whip these new guys into shape?”

Lifting her eyes back to the wall, she stared at her wobbly reflection in the shiny surface.

“I was just waiting,” Natasha began, slowly turning her back to the reflection to face Steve, “for you to stop making eyes at Stark.”

Steve rolled his eyes deeply, but didn’t reply. He held his arms open. Natasha wasn’t a hugger, but since Loki had left Steve, she’d taken to letting him hug her. She’d even hugged him a few times, mostly when he looked like he wanted to die. He was her friend. This, though, was different, as he was offering comfort, not looking for it himself.

Natasha closed the space between them and stepped into his arms. She hid her face in his too large, too hard chest and stood there as he wrapped is too large, too hard arms around her. She sagged a little, not hugging him back, but she knew he understood. She wasn’t a hugger.

“I want to say, real bad, that it’ll get better. We’ll find him, beat him up, and bring him back.”

Natasha snorted at the image of Steve beating Bruce up, mostly because if anyone tried, he’d either turn into the Hulk or let the person beat him up because he thought he deserved it. Natasha was mad at him for running away without her, but she didn’t want anyone to beat him up. Violence wasn’t going to make this better.

Nor was dragging Bruce somewhere he didn’t want to be.

“But, he’ll come back when he’s ready.”

Natasha press her lips together.

She’d said the same thing to Steve multiple times. He used to glare at her when she said it and now she knew why.

It did not make her feel better and she did not believe Bruce would come back when he was ready. He’d never be ready. He didn’t like being in civilization. He gave it a go and did okay, but Natasha knew deep down he only stayed because Loki had convinced Bruce he could do it, could stay in the world and do what he loved. And for almost three years it had worked.

Till Stark ruined everything with his big ego.

And yes, Natasha knew Bruce had helped, but it was Stark’s brain child, it was Stark’s logic, and deep down Natasha knew Bruce hadn’t agreed and only helped Tony in order to look after the egoistical freak.

That felt good. Being angry at Stark felt good.

“He’ll come back when he’s ready,” Natasha echoed, knowing exactly who Steve was thinking about.

She felt him press his face into her hair, then give her a kiss on the side of the head. He did that sometimes as well, for reasons Natasha had never thought too hard about. She’s never seen him kiss anyone else that way, just her. Well, and Loki. He only hugged everyone else when they were down and out.

“I know.” Steve pulled back and held her at arm’s length, studying her carefully. “They’ll both come back when they’re ready.”

“What will we do?”

“I will likely hug Loki hard enough to break him,” Steve admitted, looking a little sheepish.

“No punching?”

Steve shook his head, dropping his hands from her arms and ramming a hand through is hair. She stared at him, dressed in his Captain America duds with his shield on his back, but sans helmet. He looked majestic and strong, yet he also like a little kid. He turned and started down the stairs, heading for the training area.

“While I still don’t like it, I understand. JARVIS kept me updated on what Loki was doing, the progress he was making. Being a part of Coulson’s team, being underground and against the world…it helped him. It gives him a purpose, but I’m worried.”

“Why?”

“Something happened on a mission a few months ago and before JARVIS, well, uh, died. JARVIS didn’t know where Loki really was, only he still called to get his weekly updates. Then, the calls stopped and he began to only contact JARVIS via email. JARVIS wasn’t able to find him because he was using his MacBook or one of those iLoki products he made. And now…JARVIS is gone and I’ve got no clue how to contact him. His iPhone isn’t working.”

Natasha frowned. “He just vanished? And turned his iPhone off? Have you spoken to Jess?”

Steve nodded. “She hasn’t been able to get a hold of Loki either. We’ve called Jim, but he wasn’t very helpful.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I have a feeling something big is going on and Jim doesn’t feel it’s his place to tell me about Loki,” Steve admitted, turning and heading down the hall. Natasha followed. “FRIDAY doesn’t seem to like me, so she’s not very helpful.”

“She’s not as advanced as JARVIS due to being new, I’m sure she honestly has no feelings towards you,” Natasha reminded Steve. “So, what do you think of these new recruits? Think they can be a team?”

Steve made a face and shrugged. “Yeah. They’re driven. Well, I’m pretty sure they’re all driven except maybe Vision. I’ve got no idea about him, but he’s here and willing to help, so I’ll take it.”

Steve pushed the door open to the training room and stood there. Natasha watched his shoulders square as he took in the group of flying people before him. (They could all fly, Natasha realized as she watched the Scarlet Witch land and her red energy fade out.)

“Avengers—”

* * *

_Pick a side, pick a fight / Get your epitaph right / You can sing ’til you drop / Cause the fun just never stops_

_-Snow Patrol, “Take Back the City”_


End file.
